Tonight is officially a school night for me yet again. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work, but the alarm clock is my nemesis. My outfit is hung, my lunch is packed, and I’m showered and ready for bed. Now, it’s time to reflect.
It’s always at this point that I get into this mode on my past days off – the glorious days without rigid structure and pre-dawn wake up times. Because of the holidays, I was able to spend ample time with much of my family. Since we all have one, we know that this can be glorious or stressful. As a high stress person, my loud, oversharing relatives can easily overwhelm me. It can be too much if I don’t intentionally enjoy my time with them. On Christmas Day, I sat on the couch alone and just observed. The chaos of the girls opening gifts, wrapping paper and boxes askew on the floor, dinner cooking, and the laughter over appetizers made me so glad that we spend the energy and effort to keep our traditions alive. Together. Sometimes I need to reflect on this because it helps me to cherish what I have. This time is irreplaceable and no matter what we’re doing, basic or special, long or short, it’s more fun when we’re doing it together.
What going back to work means is that I’m getting less time during the day with my girl. I know this is healthy for both of us; moms who work from home or who stay home to raise their babies are straight bad ass boss bitches.
Part of me loves walking into the front doors of the high school because my day is planned and predictable and I get to laugh with my students, but part of me (most of me) feels guilty and I miss her.
During my vacation time, Caleigh and I grow closer to each other. We snuggle more, she asks for hugs and kisses, and we laugh. A lot. Yes, we also have intense power struggles (i.e. happening right now regarding staying in bed), she cries over not getting the right color juice box, and I lose my patience as she tells me she can’t remember how to take her pants down to pee on the potty.
These are every day regular happenings, but when I have the whole day with her, they are a smaller percentage of our time together.
Caleigh and I had small, but precious moments this week. We laid on the couch together while I played with her hair and she sang me songs. We read books, and we baked. Lord, did we bake!
This has become one of our favorite pastimes – whether real or pretend (although it’s more fun to taste the real recipes!). It’s obvious to anyone with a heart, but I feel like I’m missing out of her life when I’m at work. And I know my work is valuable, I understand that and I wouldn’t argue otherwise, but this face. This little voice that calls out, “hey, mama?” and just wants one more “huggie”. She gets older every single day. I’ve been told the days are long, but the years are fast and boy, am I feeling this on our first day of 2019.
So, as I look back on our past days of this break, I’m filled with gratitude for what I get to do because of the time off I have and the minutes spent with those in my life. I know this is sentimental and borders on sappy, but it’s with this emotion that I start this year. Choosing gratitude and joy over stress and resentment. It sounds so simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Here’s to counting down to our next stretch of time together (February & a family vaca to the happiest place on earth!) and enjoying every moment until then. Cheers to you and yours,